Kilmar for President!
“Autistic people contribute every day to our nation’s greatness.” —Senator Elizabeth Warren
So, you wonder why Democrats are so anxious to bring Kilmar Abrego Garcia back to the USA. Is it to lead the national ticket in 2028? Who else have they got? Pete Buttigieg doesn’t have half of Kilmar’s charisma. AOC is just pretending to be Sandy-from-the-block — and everybody knows it. Who else best represents the party’s newest constituency: the undocumented (people unfairly deprived of documents by a cruel and careless bureaucracy)? Who best represents the Democratic Party’s number one policy goal: diversity fosterization! Kilmar, of course! Viva Kilmar!
It’s also pretty obvious by his recent actions, that Judge “Jeb” Boasberg is angling to be Kilmar’s running mate in ‘28. Perfect! He could fulfil the traditional role of vice-president by doing nothing for four years, which is exactly what people of non-color should do in the Democratic Party’s new national order. (Haven’t they already done enough?) Boasberg could set an example for the rest of America’s dwindling color-deficient population: quit hogging all the action, stop collecting all those dividends and annuities, step aside and give the other a chance at the American Dream!
Did you happen to notice how enterprising Kilmar Abrego Garcia has been since he boldly breached the border in 2011, fleeing persecution from the vicious gangs of his native El Salvador? Running a one-man jobs program, he crossed the country countless times indefatigably from Maryland to California in his mobile office — the legendary KAG SUV — seeking employment opportunities for young women of color otherwise condemned to clean hotel rooms and labor in senior care facilities filled with abusive people of non-color clinging pointlessly to life only to oppress their caretakers with never-ending demands for medication and extra portions of Jello.
This blog is sponsored this week by Vaulted, an online mobile web app for investing in allocated and deliverable physical gold. To learn more visit: Vaulted.com
Kilmar’s gritty organization, Mara Salvatrucha-13, has been among the Democratic Party’s most effective NGOs in a greater galaxy of justice-seeking ventures marshaled under the USAID umbrella — recently vandalized by Elon Musk’s DOGE band of pillaging oligarchs. MS-13, for short, was beloved among the undocumented for its fund-raising abilities, its networking expertise, and its relentless search for the missing documents the undocumented have been looking high-and-low for lo these many decades — rumored to be concealed in a vast underground complex in the Catoctin Mountains of Frederick County, MD. (More white peoples’ mischief!)
Thus, it came to pass that Kilmar Abrego Garcia, Maryland Dad-of-the-Year, was cruelly snatched from an MS-13 board meeting last month and transported without benefit of due process to the Salvadorean hell-hole known as CECOT (Centro de Confinamiento del Terrorismo). And so, his Senator, Chris Van Hollen (D-MD) traveled this week to Central America on his one-man rescue mission. The Senator claimed he was detained miles from the gate of CECOT, and yet we have this photograph of Mr. Van Hollen meeting with Kilmar (and an unidentified aide) over Margaritas and pupusas at a cantina in the nearby town of Tecoluca. Asked to comment on the photo, El Savador’s Presidente, Nayib Bukele, declared: “Kilmar Abrego Garcia, miraculously risen from the ‘death camp’ & ‘torture!’ Now that he’s been confirmed healthy, he gets the honor of staying in El Salvador’s custody,” Mr. Bukele added.
Oh, so you say Señor Presidente! But not if “Jeb” Boasberg can help it. The dauntless super-judge has ordered Kilmar to be returned the USA pronto expressimo, or else he, the judge, is laying criminal contempt charges on the entire West Wing staff of Donald Trump’s White House. They will go to jail just like Steve Bannon and Peter Navarro, two capos regime of Trump’s MAGA gang, did last year for the insolence of refusing to testify in Congress. Only, they will get life-without-parole! Lessons to be learned, ye miserable color-deficient, oppressors!
Alas, the DC federal district court is a bit short of enforcement officers, so Judge “Jeb” has enlisted the Harvard rowing crew to bring Kilmar back home. Kilmar will take the coxswain’s place in the racing shell as the crew rows up the Pacific Coast to their planned landing spot at Las Olas, CA, just south of San Diego. Joy will reign in Wokeville.
Having displayed such pluck at diplomacy, unnamed sources say Senator Van Hollen is under consideration for Secretary of State when Kilmar wins the 2028 election. Up until now, we’d been hoping for Senator Adam Schiff to fill that spot, but he has his hands full fighting the influence of the Soviet Union on the Trump cabinet. Looking forward, though, to the bold prosecutor, New York AG Letitia ‘Tish” James, moving into the top spot at DOJ, if her term for mortgage fraud ends before Jan-20, 2029. The Democratic Party — such bright prospects! Forward together, with Kilmar and company! Documents for all, at long last!
Gallery 16 is UP! Paintings from the 2024 season
Kayak Parade, Battenkill River, Shushan, New York
JHK’s World Made By Hand four-book novel cycle. A small town in the remnant of the USA in the not-distant future. The community struggles to carry on. . . .
"I started my blog, Clusterfuck Nation, almost twenty years ago to chronicle the week-by-week process of our collapsing civilization… What I had not anticipated in The Long Emergency was how badly the process of collapse would disorder the minds of the whole American population and, with that, the consensus about reality." —James Howard Kunstler, CrazyLand
This week I did some digging—not opinion pieces, not partisan rants, just raw numbers and the bureaucratic language behind them. What I found was this: In 2024, the Biden administration deported 3,706 people labeled as “suspected or convicted gang members.” That’s not conjecture—that’s straight from the Department of Homeland Security. And yet somehow, this mass removal didn’t generate a whisper from the mainstream press. No headlines. No think pieces. No somber profiles on NPR.
So I kept digging, trying to understand what “suspected” meant. Who was doing the suspecting? What was the threshold? Was there evidence, or just vibes?
Turns out, it wasn’t much different than how gang affiliations were “identified” under Trump. Tattoos. Neighborhoods. Associations. A traffic stop where the passenger looked nervous. A Facebook post. Nothing that would hold up in court. Nothing that involves a jury or a judge or even a clear accusation. Just a label. Stamped. Processed. Deported.
And here’s where it gets Orwellian. Under Biden, there were no names released. No mugshots. No profiles. No gang names even mentioned. Just numbers—clean, faceless numbers. Like they were vanishing data rows instead of people, it was “border enforcement” by spreadsheet. No story, no resistance. And because it was wrapped in technocratic language and not Trump’s Twitter feed, the media let it slide.
Compare that to what happened when Trump named names. When he put a face, a label, a life on someone—Kilmar Abrego Garcia, for example—the media went into full-on martyr mode. Senator Chris Van Hollen is now at the airport with a carry-on bag full of due process arguments, ready to fly to El Salvador and bring Kilmar back to his family. A restraining order filed by Kilmar’s wife in 2021? Not mentioned. Doesn’t fit the arc.
This isn’t about protecting immigrants. This is about optics. One president plays the quiet bureaucrat, another plays the loud demagogue—and both disappear people. The difference is only who we’re told to feel bad for.
So here’s the truth: I’m not here to defend Trump. I’m not here to bash Biden. I’m here to point out the perverse theater of it all. If deporting 3,706 “suspected” gang members is okay under Biden, but a constitutional crisis under Trump, then we’ve lost the plot.
Due process doesn’t care who’s in office. But apparently, the media does.
And no, the Democrats won’t win anything running on this. It’s not a winning issue, it’s not even a coherent one. It’ll be forgotten by the time midterms roll around—replaced by a new face, a new outrage, a new hill to die on. If they’re smart, they’ll stop elevating murky cases like Kilmar’s as banner causes. Because in a campaign built on contradictions, the only thing that grows is the doubt.
Nice! Biting satire with an extra helping of caustic sarcasm! Well done!