December 2007 | Eyesore

Commentary on architectural blunders in monthly serial.

(Warning: this is not a joke)

Behold the winner of the competition for the new National Library of the Czech Republic in Prague: a previously unknown parastic protozoa related to Cryptosporidium muris, which causes debilitating diarrheal disease in rodents, also believed to be transmissable in humans and responsible for a recent outbreak at the Czech National Bramboráky-and-Bratwurst Cook-off in October. Its discoverer, a laboratory assistant at the Czech Institute for Colon Studies, one Jan Kaplicky, has been referred to perhaps mistakenly as an "architect" in the Czech press.

The hole at the top of the organism has been described as "an eye" by its discoverer. It is shown in the classic "hover stance," surveying a scene above the notorious Prague tree fungi, searching for "food." A micro-vacuum vortex activated by flagella in the slot under its pseudopods absorbs nutrient matter, which is recycled organically and returned to the "environment."

Depicted at ground level, the Czech National Library Organism is systematically grazing on smaller protozoans lulled by the music of Antonin Dvorak into ascending the purple pseudo-tongue at center.