August 2022 | Eyesore

Commentary on architectural blunders in monthly serial.

Everybody and his uncle sent me this world-beating humdinger. Thanks to all you-all!

Behold: the architectural wonder of the world called The Line, a feature of Saudi Arabia’s NEOM project, a utopian, super-gigantic, techno-grandiose, mega-city — a 75 miles-long combo landscraper / skyscraper 1600 feet high, with a mirrored exterior. The line is actually two buildings running parallel its entire 75-mile length, sandwiching a “zero-gravity” metropolis between them, stuffed with trees and other furnishings related to “nature.” The publicity literature does not explain how trees will grow in zero gravity, considering that the entire life-function of trees is based on how water behaves under earth’s gravity. But no matter, the videos show people flying through the thing, and that’s what matters in a world techno-culture under the sway of super-hero movies. Also included are “swim lanes for commuters” (WTF?) and a ski resort. Estimated cost is $1-trillion, which one would have to consider naively low.

Here’s a gander at the interior. Green-O-Rama! Of such stuff are eco-utopian dreams made! Do the leaves drop with the seasons? Better order fifty-thousand leaf blowers. Anyone who lives in the US sub-tropics — Florida, Texas, etc — knows that evergreen trees and palms drop a lot of “tree-shit” too, year-round, which the maintenance crew constantly has to clean up. How many thousands of janitors will be required for the 75-mile length of this project More below:

Here’s a nice touch: a soccer stadium 1000-feet up in the air (roughly a hundred stories). Cute. I’d like to see the engineering specs for that. NEOM is the brain-child of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman bin Abdulaziz. We’ll stand by to see what happens. My guess: the whole thing will be reduced to a half-dozen condo towers on the Red Sea coast… and… with Western Civ collapsing and global tourism flickering out… NEOM and The Line will never even get started.