Are the Dems Self-punking?

Oct 26, 2018

Clusterfuck Nation
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Applying Occam’s Razor (aka the law of logical parsimony) to the latest rash of attempted pipe-bombings against mostly Democratic Party associated targets, one would have to conclude that the most likely suspect is… Debbie Wasserman-Schultz! Isn’t that her return address on the packages? You say, Oh, but her name was misspelled. And your point is? The FBI has already determined that the packages were posted down in Florida, where DWS’s congressional district happens to be located! You say, Oh, but none of the bombs went off. And your point there? There is no evidence (so far) that DWS ever attended a science fair back in her high school days (drunk, stoned or otherwise), or submitted a project to one, let alone one involving pipe bombs.

But why would DWS mount such a vicious operation against her own political homeys? Well, remember who helped Hillary shove Bernie off-the-plank into the deep blue sea two years ago, when she was chair of the Democratic National Committee (DNC). Apparently this woman can be induced to do just about anything. Just look at her latest Tweet (as of Friday morning): “Today, my staff and I will hug each other and our loved ones tightly, and tomorrow we will get back to work serving the people I was elected to represent.” How much “hugging” routinely goes on in that so-called “office” of hers, with its tiki-themed décor, wet bar, and murals depicting DWS in full body armor mounted on an alligator, hurling lightning bolts at a mob of white male cis-gendered zombies lurching through the swordgrass! Does it stop at hugging? Did the hugees agree to all this hugging? Or was it the sheer power-huggery of an alpha female using her position to control those around her? I confess, there’s a lot to unpack here.

Motive? Hey, there’s a midterm election on. (Have you noticed?) Someone is awfully anxious to make up for the blunders that jammed the Golden Golem of Greatness (the grossest white man ever seen on Planet Earth) into the White House. Desperation is too mild a word to describe the Democratic Party’s current collective state-of-mind. It resembles a condition called Latah Syndrome, described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV) under the “Dissociative Disorder: Not Otherwise Specified” section as “a culture–bound syndrome inducing a hypersensitivity to sudden fright, often with echopraxia, echolalia, command obedience, and dissociative or trancelike behavior.” Sounds like the Dems to me. All those micro-aggressions add up!

What to do about it then? How about starting with a perp-walk? Pry DWS’s cold, clammy hands off her laptop ( the one that replaced the Macbook from 2016 that somehow got trashed during the Hillary server inquiry) and frog-march the gal into the FBI’s HQ at 2030 SW 145th Ave, in the Miramar suburb of Miami. She’ll be positively ululating to the feds about how Hillary put her up to this pipe-bomb caper, and even furnished the plans for constructing the devices, (and promised her a complimentary hour in the Chappaqua broom closet with hubbie WJC).

I’m sure we’ll get to the bottom of this in just a few days, certainly before the polls open on November 6. (MSNBC’s Chuck Todd speculated on-the-air that the Russians did it, which is impossible, of course, because Russian bombs actually blow up.) The dastardly plot may well backfire against those mighty surfers of the Blue Wave, though, leaving them prostrate and gasping in a toxic Red Tide. I kind of hope so. The prospect of a Democrat-run three-ring-circus of House committee inquisitions preoccupying the nation’s limited attention for years-to-come has already got me gagging on my Earl Gray tea. Maxine Waters! Adam Schiff! Nancy Pelosi! All joining hands in an epic Chinese Fire Drill as the American political system gurgles down the great cloaca of history’s failed projects.

Next up: the colorful caravan of asylum seekers from Central America marches through Mexico for its showdown at the US border. US troops are on their way. Who engineered that potential fiasco? Can’t we find out? You really have to wonder if the gang behind this prank is the same one behind the pipe bomb stunt. If so, I know who I’m going to nominate for this year’s Darwin Award.

Postscript: A whack-job Floridian MAGA fanboy, one Cesar Sayoc Jr., 56, arrested this morning in the case. He was assisted in his bomb-making venture by one Wile E. Coyote, of Hauchuca City, AZ. Mr. Coyote has not yet been apprehended.

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