July 2017 | Eyesore

Commentary on architectural blunders in monthly serial.

Behold “The Fair-haired Dumbell” under construction in Portland, Oregon, down by the mighty Willamette River. Of course, every Modernist architectural eyesore of the past seventy-five years is given an affectionate (and disparaging) nick-name. Why? Because deep down the public hates these monstrosities, even if they pretend to like them when they arrive on the scene — who wants to appear to be against “the cutting edge?” Thus, “The Gherkin” in London and “The Pregnant Oyster” in Berlin and so on. The list is endless, but you get the idea.

This humdinger, by the Guerrilla Development Company — what’s more “cutting edge” than pretending to be guerrilla warriors? — is a spec office building — and what’s more humdrum than working in an office? The elevations are canted outward, promising interesting renovation problems ahead. Flat roof, ditto. It is verboten in US architectural culture these days to make any reference to traditional building forms. And the highest-and-best outcome is something that garners the designer brownie points for novelty. This one just screams “Look How Original I Am… Nothing Like Me Has Ever Been Seen Before In Human History.” And that’s pretty much true.

Architectural media suck-ups will laud this thing for “playfulness,” just wait. In fact, this project just mocks our human aspiration. Remember, nothing goes out of fashion faster than yesterday’s “cutting age. Bdlow, a rendering of the finished product. Uccchhh…

Thanks to Sam Boush for the nomination!