A Tale of the Taco

     What to make of this bizarre headline out of The Washington Examiner?
First impression: well, that’s at least one they’ll send back.

The story continues: “U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement has requested that the Columbus [Ohio] Police Department notify federal officers when 27-year-old Gerson Fuentes is released from custody so that he can be transferred to federal detention and begin removal proceedings in court.”

Say, what…? Released from custody? Removal proceedings? Why would you release a felony rape suspect from the jurisdiction of his crime? Which he has confessed to, by the way. And remove him — that is, deport him… out of the USA… to where exactly? And into what legal apparatus? In what other country? With what obligation to prosecute crimes committed elsewhere in the world?

Meanwhile, attention in the case had shifted to the doctor in Indiana, one Caitlin Bernard, who performed the abortion. Indiana Attorney General Todd Rokita joined the rumpus: “We’re gathering the evidence as we speak, and we’re going to fight this to the end, including looking at her licensure if she failed to report. And in Indiana, it’s a crime … to intentionally not report,” Rokita declared on Fox News.

Days later, The Indiana Star newspaper said that Dr. Bernard’s rape report documents had been found. The New York Times added: “Kathleen DeLaney, a lawyer for Dr. Bernard, said in a statement that Dr. Bernard was considering legal action against those who had ‘smeared’ her, including Mr. Rokita….” You know things are bad in this country when the lawyers have to lawyer-up against the doctors who lawyer-up.

Speaking of medical matters… do you think anyone in authority will look into whether the rape suspect, Gerson Fuentes, was vaccinated at the time of these rapes (he raped the girl on two separate occasions)? Could he have transmitted SARS-Covid-19 to the girl? Somebody, please, alert Secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra to make something positive of this dreadful incident, say, produce a public service announcement, to impress on Americans the urgent need for absolutely everybody to get vaccinated, including  undocumented rapists.

Perhaps confessed rapist Gerson Fuentes himself can make a personal appeal to the nation, since he will soon be released from custody, and, theoretically, be available to perform on TV: Puse en peligro a una niña! Obtenga su vacuna! (I endangered a little girl! Get your vaccination!). Put Gerson in a costume as…  a breakfast taco! — genius! — who doesn’t like them! Let’s face it, America’s sick and tired of seeing dour old Rochelle Walensky pitch the shots. She doesn’t look anything like a breakfast taco. More like a slab of beef brisket that’s been simmering overnight on the steam-table, minus the bun.

Has anyone noticed, by the way, that the US is under an invasion of breakfast tacos? So many of them, and so many kinds! Huevos con chorizo… Huevos y tocino… Huevos con queso! The diversity is staggering! Oddly, the US fast food industry has remained silent on the issue, despite the threat to their operations. Someone, please, send a memo to Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas: a mighty influx of breakfast tacos marches day-and-night across our border with Mexico. They are being distributed — for free! — by bus and airplane from sea to shining sea — while millions of Egg McMuffins, Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Croissan’wiches, Grand Slamwiches, Kickin’ Maple Chicken BreakFEASTs, Country Fried Steak Biscuits, Chocolate Chip/Pecan Waffles, and Texas Melts go uneaten, wilting under the infrared Glo-Ray warming bulbs of American franchise eateries.

The wonder really is: how can America even manage to eat breakfast with its head so far up its ass? Perhaps Dr. Jill Biden can address that question in an upcoming speech to the National Association of Colorectal Surgeons. Now that the mRNA vaccines have Covid-19 so well under control — ask Dr. Anthony Fauci (he knows!) — shouldn’t we be concerned with this new scourge of cranial rectosis (the next pandemic)? Have Americans been wearing their masks over the wrong bodily orifice? Is anyone conducting a peer-reviewed study on this?

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Note to Readers: I’ll be giving my first in-person talk in over two years at 6:30p.m. Weds, July 20, at the Metropolitan Republican Club; 122 East 83rd Street, New York, NY 10028. For info and tickets to the event: Click here.